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David Carradine

David Carradine - There are worse ways to go. 
But not many.

Glee

Glee - It's had critics.

Toast

Toast - Some people masturbate with it.

Soccer

Soccer - Even their fans make no sense.

Necrophilia

Necrophilia - Yes, hand jobs count.

Friend Zoning

Friend Zoning - When they get drunk and overshare.

Colonel Sanders

Colonel Sanders - He's finger-licking good.

Experience

Experience - Code for "whore".

Optimus Prime

Optimus Prime - Everyone has something they're fighting for...

Filler Episodes

Filler Episodes - Everyone is so worried since they killed off Bleach...

Jail

Jail - It has its upsides.

Subtlety

Subtlety - An excuse for lessers.

Burrito Night

Burrito Night - Only once a week. It's the law.

Step-sisters

Step-sisters - It's okay. They're not reaaaaaaally your sister...

Bowties

Bowties - Worn by assholes in every culture.

Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson - The little boys didn't count.

Axe Body Spray

Axe Body Spray - Pillow talk in some countries.

Pizza Ape

Pizza Ape - He's here with your order.

Bukkake porn

Bukkake porn - The first time you see it, it changes you.

Hand Job Porn

Hand Job Porn - Videos of women pretending to roll dice.

Las Vegas

Las Vegas - After hour 56, you really should go to bed.

Undercover cop

Undercover cop - They try too hard.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day - If you're just finding out from your mommy, you're in trouble.

Caitlyn Jenner

Caitlyn Jenner - Only towards the end did she start to reconsider.

Liberal Arts Degrees

Liberal Arts Degrees - You get to work the window.

Cats

Cats - They laugh at you naked.

Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby - There's a reason Fat Albert went "Hey Hey Hey!"

Coughing

Coughing - A medical requirement when a man's holding your nuts

The Internet

The Internet - Making pornography collections far more efficient.

Skinny Dippping

Skinny Dippping - If a woman's not involved, just keep your damn clothes on.

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